Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
