You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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