I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
