For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
