I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
