How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
