yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
