I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
