Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
