y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
