3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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