I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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