She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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