then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
