all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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