My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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