Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
