Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
