i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
