I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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