They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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