Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dick very happy bro
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
