Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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