DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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