there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My pussy is not your playground.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
