woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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