I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
