its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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