shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
