everyone is single if you try hard enough
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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