Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
