and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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