gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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