now i know why i became what i already was.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
