I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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