Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
