I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
