I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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