Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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