he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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