I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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