im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
