I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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