That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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