i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
