someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
