I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
