I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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