Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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