i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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