3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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