Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
