Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
