I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
