Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
