I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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