i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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