Do you still have your period?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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