I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
