I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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