Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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