fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize