Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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