so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
