Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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