She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
