You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
