i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
