at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
