i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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