He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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