had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
